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Midlife Crisis.

March 6, 2016 burnout
... And a big decision.

It all started about a year and a half ago.
Or maybe it started even earlier … that feeling of complete and utter uselessness.

I felt useless in my job. I felt my life wasn’t going anywhere. And I felt everything everyone was doing was a complete waste of time. I felt as if I had been abandoned in a place that was strange and incomprehensible to me. But that somehow, I was still expected to fit in.

How I wished I could abandon it all …

Many months passed.
If anything, the feelings only intensified. I felt as if I couldn’t go on much longer.

So. What were my options ?

As far as I could tell, I had only two options. I could start embracing the life that I had, accept it for what it was, and try to find pleasure in it. Or, I could try to make some changes in my life. Get rid of the things that made me feel miserable.

Then I started thinking about my job.
We all spend, on average, about 8 hours on the job. And then there’s the commute. That is an awful lot of time gone before you can actually start living your own life !

What if I could somehow take that time back, and spend it on things that are meaningful to me ?! Maybe that would make me feel better. More ‘alive’ …

So I started counting my savings, and tried to figure out how much money I would need to take a year off from work.

A scary thought : no income for an entire year !

After much inner debate and many sleepless nights, I decided to take the plunge. I would take 1 year off to take care of ‘me’.

A huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.
Only to be replaced by this sharp, burning ball of fire in the pit of my stomach : the FEAR of all the things that might go wrong …